He Said He'd Show Me

Memory verse #3.

Proverbs 16:3, from the Amplified version: "Roll your works upon the LORD [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed."

About two weeks ago I had a dream that I was pregnant. The doctor confirmed it with a blood test, and immediately I could feel my baby turning and twisting in my womb. I was told I was at 6 months gestation. Last month I asked a friend to sign me up for a meeting with a group called Christian Women in Media. I have had a desire to be in media for some time- since high school. I used to imagine myself being a radio personality. I also had plans of being a pharmacist, and a teacher, and a nurse, and a chef, and a flight attendant, and even a construction worker. At the moment you could say I am all of those things with the exception of not being formally educated in any of those areas. I digress.

The morning before this meeting occurred, I heard that still, small voice say, "This is not what I told you to do." For the rest of the day I struggled with all sorts of emotions and thoughts. The "buts", the "I's", the "if's" all came to visit that day. We reminisced and drank a cup of tea together. We had some biscuits and jelly. It was like conversing with a friend you hadn't seen in quite some time, yet what I really wanted was to be at peace and feel the weight of disobedience lifted off my shoulders. So I finally said it was time for my old friend to leave. Then I told my Lord that I would do as He pleased. "Not my will, but Yours be done."

The next day I woke early to start my day with some Scripture and prayer. I really did want to hear from God. Lo and behold, He spoke. What he said was similar to the previous morning's message, but in different terms. I heard, "I have something else for you." In my experience, what God wants or has for me has always worked out to be beyond better than I imagined it could be. And so, with that, I let my friend know that I was choosing not to go with her.

The truth is, I was sad to miss out on the great things that happened that evening. I had feared what my friend would think about my decision. The surprising and also not surprising fact is that my friend did not in the least respond adversely to my action. In my prayer time I pleaded with God to let me go because I didn't want to disappoint her. Do you know what He said? "I have that taken care of." My heavenly Father, in His sovereignty, not only ended a sentence with a preposition, but He let me off the hook! This is where my morning tea was sent back for a cup of coffee.

Many times I've picked up the task of writing the story of my life. Then I become weary. Some of that weariness comes from my desire for this particular writing to be perfect. Not showing me as perfect, but being written in such a way that no one could dispute its contents. The familial "That's not how it was!" argument is a scary source of tension. It sways me.Ugh! Nasty past, get out of my way!

My point is that long ago I was given a job to do. I've procrastinated. The good news for me is that in my disobedient phase I have learned what I believe has redeemed the time spent being naughty. You know the story of the prodigal son. Hi, my name is Jodi, and I'm a prodigal daughter. Now that my confession is out of the way, I can move on to the what to do about it. In A.A. there is a slogan "faith is spelled a-c-t-i-o-n. Hebrews 11:1 says that "faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." (NLT) My hope is that this book will be written and complete in the next few months. God gave me a dream. He has also given me the experience and ability to see it come together and be finished, and even polished to reflect His glory. This is an exercise in working out my salvation.

I have witnessed too many atrocities, and at the same time seen many accounts of healing in desperate people to keep quiet. How could I do that? The reality is I have to trust that God will provide the words, the open hearts, the healing to take place in others just as He did in me, and [pause.] Do you see that? Right there. God will.

And that's that. These particular passages are brought to my attention without even searching for them. He said He'd show me. I have no reason to believe he won't. So, I have to believe He will.