When the Gavel Falls

A few weeks ago I was invited to a fellowship/worship gathering. Tonight was my date with destiny. A meeting with friends, mostly new, and a meeting with God. The topic we discussed amongst ourselves was judgment. As Christians, we are often seen in a negative light. Partly because of our collective history, partly because we are hypocrites, and partly because we are misunderstood as we misunderstand. 


A good handful of friends shared stories of possible solutions to overcoming the weight of judgment. Not only for us as a body, but also as a Post-It note for ourselves to be mindful of the way we choose to view others. For our perception is frequently as far unrealistic as it can be. 


My story of how to solve the dilemma began with my personal testimony. Interestingly enough I was able to share briefly, my testimony on facebook as I answered a comment to a thread I had earlier posted on. More on that in a minute. So I shared the life I lived and how coming from adversity helps a believer of The Way to avoid judging others. I began with the beginning.

This is what I came out of: As a child I was sexually abused, my parents divorced before I was in kindergarten, my stepfather sold drugs from our home. By the time I was ten, it became normal for me to be drunk, though at the time I didn't know it. I just knew I felt different and better, momentarily. My mom gave us up in order to keep her other children, and so I went from being raised in a home with virtually no rules to a home that was incredibly strict, though not "religious" in the sense that we went to church regularly, there were tones of religiosity. This happened the same year I went from elementary school to middle school. I had a sexual relationship with another girl and in my heart, I knew it was not right. During my teen years I compiled lists of ways to end my life. I was in a pit of despair. 

And then I met Jesus when I was 16. He has proved himself faithful every time I needed him to.


I can't say that I wanted to go through any of that, and let me tell you, there are things I'm leaving out, but to be able to be in the position I am in now, I would choose to go through all of it over again. He USES the evil in our lives for the GOOD and the advancement of his Kingdom! We can't truly help anyone if we haven't been broken ourselves. I remember in January I went to a special worship night at church and over and over I heard God saying to me that he was binding up wounds and that he was restoring broken hearts. The woman who sat next to me told me that unless we are broken, we cannot shine God's light.

And so tonight, twice, I shared the story of me and Jesus. It is so much easier to consider there may be more to the story when you have been broken so much, so often yourself. This is how I answered the question of how we know what the Bible says is true. In it I included my personal story which you read above a moment ago.

I take it in faith that what the Bible says is true and I do so because of the life I came out of. I choose to believe because of how Jesus has changed me. I've found that personal testimonies provide the best opportunity for showing what we (as believers) believe to be the truth. Hebrews 11:1 says that faith is the evidence for things unseen. Peter talks about how we should be prepared to give the reason for what we believe.  I didn't immediately "live my life" for Jesus, but over the years I have grown to love him deeply. My thoughts, actions, and words have changed in such a way that you wouldn't recognize me if you knew me before Christ. I fail everyday. I am not perfect, but the truth is, he (Jesus) is perfecting me. That is the best answer I can give you right now.

We have to want to see people the way God sees them. We have to see ourselves the way God sees us. We have to choose it. We have to ask for his help. We get it wrong.

When I came home and the babysitter had left, I marveled at the freedom my daughter felt to dance as if it were only her in the room. She watched herself sway her nightgown in the window. As she lifted her hands and twirled, I could see her eyes dancing with delight at noticing her own reflection. It gave a present reminder of what tonight's meeting was about. Seeing ourselves as God sees us and others. Only, we see ourselves and others quite dimly compared to Our Father. 

My Holy God, you are beyond my comprehension. I cannot know anything apart from you. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that as you formed me in my mother's womb and laid out the plans you have for me that you saw every moment. Those tears that were shed by me, during all of that pain and heartache, you hold each one in your hand. You are the God who sees. El-Roi. Let me see with your eyes, Lord. Let me hear stories with your ears. Let me love with your heart. Let me respond with your spirit. Here in time and space I only see with my human eyes and hear with my human ears. I love with my human heart. You took my heart of stone and replaced it with a heart of flesh. But sometimes, God, I become hardened by my own failure and hurt. Forgive me, Father! Thank you that you made a way out! I praise you that I am not who I was. Thank you that you know the true situation. We see now our reflection very poorly. One day we will see everything with perfect clarity. I am longing for that day, God! But as I wait, empty me of me and fill me with you so that I can see the truth. 

God of Our Yesterdays, Chris McClarney, take a listen. 


Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 
 1 Corinthians 13:12, NLT